As’ Salaam Alikum, Peace be unto you- My dear friends, I want to remind you of something,that has taken me a lot of effort and time, out of love and care for all of you. It might prove a lifesaver for you,by Allah’s help. So please go through this and benefit yourself. I highly regret for its size.
Islam should not be circumscribed to the mere discussion or something to be proud of, rather it needs to be obeyed and thus followed with full zeal and zest. Allah (SWT)says in The Noble Quran: (interpretation of meaning)
“O you who have believed, enter into Islam completely [and perfectly] and do not follow the footsteps of Satan.Indeed, he is to you a clear enemy.” [ Al-Qur’an 2:208]
Indeed,we-the believers- are in a desperate need to follow each and every commandments of Allah, so to succeed in this life and the life hereafter and thus save ourselves from the punishment and wrath of Allah-The Exalted.
Allah says, (interpretation of meaning): “O man! What has beguiled you from your Lord, the Gracious One, Who created you, then made you complete, then made you symmetrical? Into whatever form He pleased He constituted you..” Al-Qur’an [84:6-8]
Would like to remind ourselves with one of the diversion,that Allah strongly condemns.
Guess what..? ….. yeah, relationships, love marriage, dating…!
Subhan’Allah,when it comes to the idea of Love marriage, essentially it is an infatuation. Subhan’Allah you see all of the pleasant things, that the other person is putting up, as Fronts. You see their best face, you've no idea what is under that wrap, and it is almost like looking at a piece of chocolate wrapped up with a nice wrapper, not knowing what its ingredients are? Not knowing where it came from? Not knowing anything about it. And saying I want that, just because of the wrapper. Right?
Subhan’Allah! After the first night you get married. After that whole stuff has happened. You've already experienced the joy of love and the joy of going out together.And the joy of first time this, the first time that. ….then marriage comes in!all marriages are a bundle of responsibilities. You are going to regret that marriagefor the rest of your life. You gonna hate yourself.
Subhan’Allah! What happened? That front is not there anymore. You are seeing that person who they are. All the makeup is gone. Right? The makeup is not any more. You are seeing the wrinkles and all that stuff. What happened? It was all the fronts. Infatuation is the key.
Subhan’Allah! There is nothing in this life, except that Allah (SWT) gave us a Halaal alternative and that is purely from the mercy of Allah.
Subhan’Allah! If you ponder a little over this, “in other theologies in order to achieve spiritual illumination one has to go extreme to be salved-living the life of a monk. Compared to our Deen, where we seek Allah (SWT) through marriage, which is a joy anyway.”
Subhan’Allah! Marriage is half of our Deen. That is a rahaama (blessing), that half of our Deen is something that is as tangible as marriage. As seeking the pleasure of Allah through another human being, as making that work- through showing mercy to another human being. Right? Through restricting your ego with another human being.
Here is what happens when we get into the love marriage and stuffs like that. How many people actually ended up in marrying their first love? Guess what? 90%...70%…50%...10%....No. The research shows only 0.85% people ended up in doing so. (Statistics taken from pitsburg sociological journal) That means out of 100, 99 of people ended up in marrying someone, who they never think of getting married. And they felt sorry.
You think Allah is giving us something that is hard. Ask the people that have been through relationships? That’s a hell, to invest yourself emotionally. That is not going to give you anything at the end of the day. To tell someone your secrets, to trust somebody. And to trust them with parts of your body. Such a relationship is devoid of blessings of Allah and it will never gonna happen.
To go through relationship, after relationship, after relationship is a punishment in this world. And every time you get into the relationship. You know what? Apiece of you dies-capacity to love dies, capacity to trust - a piece of that goes away, right? Your emotions get lower and lower and lower. Your expectations! They only rise, because you are seeing more and more flaws.
Marriage is a life time commitment. This is the person that is going to be the other parent of you children. This is the person you are going to confided. This is the person that you gonna have to lean on for support. This is the person you gonna lean on whenever you can be betrayed outside. And if you are not making a rational and inform decision whenever you get married, then you are just like that person who is basically willing to eat a piece of chocolate, just because they like only the wrapper looks. Right?
Subhan’Allah! Allah (SWT) wants us to make the best decision. You know satan deceives us. Satan makes things seem halaal. Right? At least we are not doing this; at least we are not doing that, because we are getting married-Satanic logic, that’s how satan deludes us.
If you already want to marry someone for some other reasons, you’ll make that person out to be religious even if they are not religious. Don’t let your decision making to be silenced. And don’t let infatuation to cloud your rational , your judgments. And Allah (SWT) does not want us to do that. Never! Be too picky.
Many scholars lay emphasis on giving charity to a poor person who is having trouble getting married. Help these people to get married, so that should be the priority in these days, because the incredible fitnah (temptation) around us –haraam is so easy, don’t make halaal hard. Getting married young is from the sunnah. Yes from the sunnah!
Prophet(SAW) said, “The person who gets married to protect themselves has a right upon Allah to be supported.” And Allah (SWT) is not a half a million dollar making doctor somewhere; Allah (SWT) is the creator of the Universe. And the person who tries to protect themselves for the sake of Allah and goes out –seeking marriage- the halaal way, Allah (SWT) has guaranteed them that He will help. So we have to trust Allah and support our children. Pray istikhaara.
To the parents, cooperate with your children,help them and don’t be hypocritical with your standards. Help them find the right person. Be supportive and listen to them. If they have someone that they are considering, listen to them. Consider best option in that regard. Don’t allow them to become hopeless. And the Prophet (SAW) said, “When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied, asks to marry your daughter, comply with his request. If you do not do so, there will be corruption and great evil on earth.” [Tirmidhi]
And Allah knows the best.
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