Need your precious time to ponder, so that you may assimilate something momentous, indeed epochal, if followed, I assure, you won't be in vain, after a couple of moments. [Few minutes please, it's gonna change your life, provided Almighty].
Fornication [in various forms] has become a commonplace occurrence within the Muslim Youth community, and the Muslim girls and boys have sadly fallen prey to the snares of western society. In fact, in Islam, there is no such thing as a girlfriend -boyfriend relationship. One is either married or not. We should engrain ourselves, that the only time a girl or a boy can have a relationship with a stranger [non-Mahram] is when they are married. Furthermore, if a girl or boy enters into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship then, they are entering into a pre-marital relationship. And pre-marital relationships are like the extra-marital relationships, or what is commonly known as adultery or 'an affair'. It ruins the community by corrupting the people. It unleashes base desires that, once allowed free-reign, will destroy families. For instance, illegitimate and abandoned children, broken homes, sexual desires, abortions- the list goes on. The punishment for sexual relationships outside marriage is severer.
Ibn Masoud [May Allah be pleased with him] related that Prophet Muhammad {Blessings and Peace of Allah be upon him} said,
[ The blood of a Muslim may not be legally spilt other than in one of three instances: the married person who commits adultery, a life for a life, and one who forsakes his religion and abandons the community] [Bukhari and Muslim]
In other words, the married person who commits adultery is to be killed by stoning until death. [sahih Muslim]
But what about the unmarried person who has sexual relationships? Rest assured that this person will not go unpunished- he or she is to be flogged or whipped one hundred times.[Sahih Muslim]
Even in the Hereafter, the punishment is severe: the Prophet [bpuh] saw adulterers, men and women, in a baking oven in Hellfire. [Sahih Bukhari]
They often counter such things by saying that, 'girlfriend-boyfriend relationships need not go as far as the sexual act; that they can control themselves and simply enjoy each other's company'.How scrofulous..!! They often forget the fact when a girl and a boy are alone together, their sexual desires awaken and before they know it, they will be doing things that are not permissible between unmarried people. The reason for this is because devil [shaytaan] will be the third person with them [hadith-Ahmad] and he will whisper and tempt them with the forbidden. That is where the devil empowers them and as a result succeeds. This is why Islam shuns all avenues leading to corruption of the mind, body and soul.
We assail such things by saying that, "it's true love, pure, like Romeo and Juliet, etc "..wonder, how can it be so, when there is the involvement of third person Shaytaan, it is indeed his effort, who enkindle you and deprive you morally, without letting you know and we fool term it love..How insane..! In fact Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Devil will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other. There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of Zina.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/129):
Love is a psychological sickness, and if it grows strong it affects the body, and becomes a physical sickness, either as diseases of the brain, which are said to be diseases caused by waswaas, or diseases of the body such as weakness, emaciation and so on. And he (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/132):
Loving a non-mahram woman leads to many negative consequences, the full extent of which is known only to the Lord of people. It is a sickness that affects the religious commitment of the sufferer, then it may also affect his mind and body.It is sufficient to note that one of the effects of love of a member of the opposite sex is the enslavement of the heart which is held captive to the loved one. So love is a door that leads to humiliation and servility. That is sufficient to put one off this sickness.
Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al Fataawa(10/185):
If a man is in love with a woman, even if she is permissible for him, his heart remains enslaved to her, and she can control him as she wishes, even though outwardly he appears to be her master, because he is her husband; but in fact he is her prisoner and slave, especially if she is aware of his need and love for her. In that case, she will control him like a harsh and oppressive master controls his abject slave who cannot free himself from him. Rather he is worse off than that because enslavement of the heart is worse than the enslavement of the body. So love should only be confined to Him, our creator.
Studies have shown that most of the marriages that are based on prior love between a man and woman fail, whereas most marriages that are not based on haraam relationships, which people call “traditional marriages”, succeed.
In a field study done by a French sociologist, the conclusion was:
Marriage is more likely to succeed when the two parties did not fall in love before marriage.
In another study of 1500 families, undertaken by Professor Isma’eel ‘Abd al-Baari, the conclusion was that more than 75% of love marriages ended in divorce, whilst the rate among traditional marriages – those which were not based on prior love – was less than 5%.
We can mention the most important causes of this outcome:-
1- Emotion blinds one to seeing faults and dealing with them, as it is said: “Love is blind”. One or both parties may have faults that make them unsuitable for the other, but those faults only become apparent after marriage.
2-The lovers may think that life is an unending journey of love, so we see that they only speak of love and dreams, etc. They never speak about the problems of life and how to deal with them. This notion is destroyed after marriage when they are confronted with the problems and responsibilities of life.
3-The lovers are not used to debate and discussion, rather they are used to sacrifice and compromise in order to please the other party. Often they have arguments because each party wants to compromise and please the other. Then the opposite happens after marriage, and their arguments lead to a problem, as each one is used to the other agreeing with him or her, without any argument.
4-The image that each lover has of the other is not a true image because each party is being kind and gentle and trying to please the other. This is the image that each is trying to present to the other during the so-called “love” phase, but no one can carry on doing that throughout his or her life, so the true image appears after marriage, and leads to problems.
5-The period of love is usually based on dreams and exaggerations that do not correspond with the reality that appears after marriage. The lover may think that he is going to bring her a piece of the moon, and he will never be happy unless she is the happiest person in the world, and so on
But in return, she is going to live with him in one room and on the ground, and she has no requests or demands so long as she has won him, and that is sufficient for her. As one of them said, “A small nest is sufficient for us” and “A small morsel is sufficient for us” and “I will be content if you give me a piece of cheese and an olive”! This is exaggerated emotional talk, and both parties quickly forget it after marriage, and the woman complains about her husband’s miserliness, and his failure to meet her needs. Then the husband begins to complain about having too many demands and too many expenses.
For these reasons and others, we are not surprised when each party says after marriage that they were deceived and that they rushed into it. The man regrets not marrying So and so who was suggested to him by his parents, and the woman regrets not marrying So and so whom her parents approved of, but in fact, they rejected him because of her wishes. So the result is this very high rate of divorce for marriages which people thought would be examples of the happiest marriages in the world!
[ But whosoever turns away from My Reminder (i.e. neither believes in this Qur'an nor acts on its teachings) verily, for him is a life of hardship.] [Ta-Ha 20:124]
A hard and difficult life is the result of disobeying Allah and turning away from His Revelation. And Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[ And if the people of the towns had believed and had the Taqwa (piety), certainly, We should have opened for them blessings from the heaven and the earth] [al-A’raaf 7:96]
Blessings from Allah are a reward for faith and piety, but if there is no faith or piety, or only a little thereof, the blessing will be reduced or even non-existent. And Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[ Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer (of Islamic Monotheism) verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter).] [al-Nahl 16:97]
A good life is the fruit of faith and righteous deeds. Allah indeed spoke the truth when He said (interpretation of the meaning):
[ Is it then he who laid the foundation of his building on piety to Allah and His Good Pleasure better, or he who laid the foundation of his building on the brink of an undetermined precipice ready to crumble down, so that it crumbled to pieces with him into the fire of Hell. And Allah guides not the people who are the Zaalimoon (wrongdoers)] [al-Tawbah 9:109]
It is not permissible for a woman to form a relationship with any man who is a stranger (non-mahram) to her, even if her intention is to get married, because Allah has forbidden being alone with a non-mahram member of the opposite sex, or shaking hands with her or looking at her, except in the case of necessity such as proposing marriage or giving testimony; it is also forbidden for a woman to flaunt her adornment or to uncover her ‘awrah in front of non-mahram men, or to go out among them wearing perfume or to speak softly to men. These prohibitions are known from the evidence of the Qur'an and Sunnah, and no exceptions are made for one who wants to get married or even for one who is actually proposing marriage because a fiance is still a non-mahram and a stranger to the woman until the marriage contract is done.
1 – The reports that indicate that it is haraam to be alone with a non-mahram woman even if she is with her fiance include the report narrated by al-Bukhaari (3006) and Muslim (1341) from Ibn ‘Abbaas (may Allah be pleased with him) who heard the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) say: “No man should be alone with a woman.”
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No, no man is alone with a woman but the third one present is the Shaytaan.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (2165), classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
2 – The evidence that indicates that it is haraam for a man to look at a woman includes the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[ Tell the believing men to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts). That is purer for them. Verily, Allah is All‑Aware of what they do.] [al-Noor 24:30]
Muslim (2159) narrated that Jareer ibn ‘Abd-Allah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) about an accidental look and he commanded me to avert my gaze.
An accidental look is when one’s gaze happens to fall on a woman without one intending it, such as when a man is looking where he is going and so on.
As for a woman, she may look at a man without desire, if there is no risk of fitnah, but if there is any desire or risk of fitnah then it is not permissible.
3 – The evidence that it is haraam to shake hands with a non-mahram woman is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than if he were to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.” Narrated by al-Tabaraani from the hadeeth of Ma’qil ibn Yasaar; classed as Saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 5045. The sin, in this case, is to both the man and the woman.
4 – The evidence that it is haraam for a woman to flaunt herself and show her adornment before non-mahram men is the hadeeth narrated by Muslim (2128) from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There are two types of the people of Hell whom I have not seen. People with whips like the tails of cattle with which they beat the people, and women who are clothed yet naked, going astray and leading others astray, with their heads looking like the humps of bakht camels, leaning to one side. They will not enter Paradise nor even smell its fragrance, although its fragrance may be detected from such and such a distance.” [The bakht camel is a type of camel that has a long neck. ]
5 – The evidence that it is haraam for a woman to go out wearing perfume so that non-mahram men can smell its fragrance is the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): “Any woman who puts on perfume then passes among the people so that they can smell its fragrance is an adulteress.” Narrated by al-Nasaa’i (5126), Abu Dawood (4173) and al-Tirmidhi (2786); classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Nasaa’i.
6 – The evidence that it is haraam to speak softly to men is the verse in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any other women. If you keep your duty (to Allah), then be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner] [al-Ahzaab 33:32]
If this applies to the pure Mothers of the Believers, then it applies even more so to other women.
That which is called love between a man and a non-mahram woman is bound to include some of these haraam matters, if not all of them or more. If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage.” (Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as Saheeh by al-Busayri and by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 624)
Al-Sindi said, as noted in Haamish Sunan Ibn Maajah:
The phrase “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage” may be understood to refer to two or to more than two. What this means is that if there is love between two people, that love cannot be increased or made to last longer by anything like marriage. If there is marriage as well as that love, that love will increase and grow stronger every day.”
But if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Shaytaan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haraam deeds makes marriage stronger.
Moreover, these illicit relationships that take place before marriage will be a cause to make each party doubtful about the other. The husband will think that his wife may possibly have a similar relationship with someone else, and even if he thinks it unlikely, he will still be troubled by the fact that his wife did do something wrong with him. And the same thoughts may occur to the wife too, and she will think that her husband could possibly have an affair with another woman, and even if she thinks it unlikely, she will still be troubled by the fact that her husband did something wrong with her. So each partner will live in a state of doubt and suspicion, which will ruin their relationship sooner or later. Hence we think that if a marriage is based upon an illicit premarital relationship, it will most likely be unstable and will not be successful.
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen(147):
If the cause happens by his choice, he has no excuse for the consequences that are beyond his control, but if the reason is haraam, the drunkard had no excuse. Undoubtedly following one glance with another and allowing oneself to keep thinking about the person is like drinking intoxicants: he is to be blamed for the cause.
If a person strives to keep away from the things that lead to this serious sickness, by lowering his gaze and not looking at haraam things, not listening to haraam things, and averting the passing thoughts that the Shaytaan casts into his mind, then after that something of the evils of this sickness befalls him because of a passing glance or a transaction that is basically permissible, and his heart becomes attached to a woman, there is no sin on him for that in sha Allah, because Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope] [al-Baqarah 2:286]
Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Rawdat al-Muhibbeen(147):
If love occurs for a reason that is not haraam, the person is not to be blamed, such as one who loved his wife or slave woman, then he separated from her but the love remained and did not leave him. He is not to be blamed for that. Similarly, if there was a sudden glance then he averted his gaze, but love took hold of his heart without him meaning it to, he must, however, ward it off and resist it.But he must treat his heart by putting a stop to the effects of this love, and by filling his heart with love of Allaah and seeking His help in that.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/133):
If he is tested with love but he remains chaste and is patient, then he will be rewarded for fearing Allah. It is known from shar’i h evidence that if a person remains chaste and avoids haraam things in looking, word and deeds, and he keeps quiet about it and does not speak of it, so that there will be haraam talk about that, whether by complaining to another person or committing evil openly, or pursuing the beloved one in any way, and he is patient in obeying Allah and avoiding sin, despite the pain of love that he feels in his heart, just as one who is afflicted with a calamity bears the pain of it with patience, then he will be one of those who fear Allah and are patient, “Verily, he who fears Allah with obedience to Him (by abstaining from sins and evil deeds, and by performing righteous good deeds), and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the Muhsinoon (good‑doers) to be lost” [Yoosuf 12:90].
Attachment to the opposite sex will not happen to a heart that is filled with love of Allah; it only affects a heart that is empty and weak, so it is able to gain control of it, then when it becomes strong and powerful it is able to defeat the love of Allah and lead the person into shirk. Hence it is said: Love is the action of an empty heart. If the heart is devoid of the love and remembrance of the Most Merciful and is a stranger to speaking to Him, it will be filled with the love of women, images and listening to music.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allah have mercy on him) said in Majmoo’ al-Fataawa (10/135):
If the heart loves Allah alone and is sincerely devoted to Him, it will not even think of loving anyone else in the first place, let alone falling in love. When a heart falls in love, that is due to the lack of love for Allah alone. Hence because Yoosuf loved Allah and was sincerely devoted to Him, he did not fall into the trap of love, rather Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
[Thus it was, that We might turn away from him evil and illegal sexual intercourse. Surely, he was one of Our chosen, (guided) slaves] [Yoosuf 12:24]
As for the wife of al-‘Azeez, she was a mushrik as were her people, hence she fell into this trap.
The Muslim must save himself from this fate and not fall short in guarding against it and ridding himself of it. If he falls short in that regard and follows the path of love, by continuing to steal haraam glances or listening to haraam things and being careless in the way he speaks to the opposite sex, etc, then he is affected by love as a result, then he is sinning and will be subject to punishment for his actions. How many people have been careless at the beginning of this problem, and thought that they were able to rid themselves of it whenever they wanted, or that they could stop at a certain limit and not go any further until the sickness took a strong hold and no doctor or remedy could help?
We must know that contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as
'Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with them).
How often we forget about our Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. Obey Allah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it,[indeed you will curse them, even flog them] and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.[for sure].Remember while doing so you are giving others right to do the same with your close ones and remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’an, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.
Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious. You should realise that zina [fornication] does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit Zina, the ears may commit Zina, the hand may commit Zina and the foot may commit Zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.May Allah keep me and you safe from all evil. He is the one who indeed loves His servents, despite all shortcomings, He knows all our pratfalls still bestows His mercy upon us, He is the one and only worthy of our love.
Remember :-
Abu Said Al Khudri (r.a.a) reported that the Prophet (s.a.w) was shyer than a virgin in her own room. [Sahih Bukhari]
May Allah (SWT) guide us all to the best of guidance.
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